You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize