Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
