I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize