you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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