hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
