I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
