D3 body, D1 cock
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
