just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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