No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
