So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
