it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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