Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
