My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
