Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
