I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
