I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
