So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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