Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
