I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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