I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
