there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
