His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Farmville is her only friend.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
