what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
