if we break up, who will get the dealer?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
