Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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