Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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