I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
