I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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