I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
