Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
