Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
