I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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