Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize