Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
