break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
