I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
