Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
