I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
