Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
