drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
