Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
