Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I know her cup size but not her name....
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