apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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