I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
