Welp...herpes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
