went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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