You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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