there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
