I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
