I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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