Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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