I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
