Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
