Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
