We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Screwed.edu
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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