Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
