Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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