Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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