Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
