I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
