i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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