Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
