The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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