Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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