Do you still have your period?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
