I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
