I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize