i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
