I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
wow bdsm is so cute
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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