White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
lets start a swedish sibling band together
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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