There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
