3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
