Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
