Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
