it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's blow job season.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You are the jesus of drinking
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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