god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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