We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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