do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
