my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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