its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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