I think im going to throw up on grandma
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
