i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize