She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
