they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
