I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
