white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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