we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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