as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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