The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
