i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
