just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
