My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
